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Publisher: R-Squared Press, 1998, 100 pages
ISBN: 0964103583
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To say that this book should be read only by parents of minors would be a great injustice. To say that it should be read only by those considering opening an adoption would be equally wrong. While the techniques for establishing contact between birth and adoptive families are placed in the context of minor children, this small volume (100 pages) offers something for every member of the adoption experience.
Ms. Dorner is a licensed therapist with almost 20 years of experience assisting families to open adoptions. She is also the mother of two children in open adoptions. In her book, she addresses questions such as who initiates contact and how, selecting a professional, preparing for contact, making contact, the commitment to openness, adopted siblings, and opening special needs adoptions. The book includes references to books, people, and Web sites to broaden the reader's knowledge base.
Her likening of adoptive families to other forms of blended and extended families sets the foundation for her belief that the same theories of building strong children should apply to all. For example, she writes of the openness that is encouraged with children caught up in imperfect family situations such as divorce, remarriage, and stepfamilies, and questions the logic that has traditionally insisted that adoptive families are perfect and adopted kids haven't needed the same openness. She has a point.
Ms. Dorner's first priority is obvious: children; however, in helping kids become healthier and more secure, birth and adoptive parents play a major role in setting the stage and setting the example. As she describes approaches to opening adoptions, Ms. Dorner necessarily explores insecurities, fears, and needs of many birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. Her non-judgmental descriptions of a wide-spectrum of experience are refreshingly candid and concise, and she is adamant about the need for commitment to the work involved, to overcoming personal hurdles, and to the children.
While the adoptees referred to in the book are minors, this 50+ year-old adoptee recognized herself in more than one instance, and I suspect many adoptive and birth parents will feel the same, no matter the circumstances surrounding their adoption experiences.
Available at Insight: Open Adoption Resources & Support© Nancy S Ashe
Comments
How do I begin to open a closed adoption from 1959? Is it even possible? What do you suggest as a first step? This would be an older biological sibling that we just found out about and he was the "family secret" but now that we (my siblings and I) know he exists we would like to find him. thank you for any help. Our mother and grandparents are not in favor of this and are not giving any information.
Cchapin
Posted by: cchapin at 04/29/2006 02:54 PM
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