How to Adopt á la Rosie

Rosie O'Donnell, host of the daytime talk show "Rosie" celebrated her birthday with a show about adoption. Called "How to Adopt," the show took on the challenge of presenting basic information for those seeking to adopt domestically, and provided Rosie the opportunity to comment on the adoptions of her three children.

Guests included couples and individuals who have adopted, are in the process of adopting, and who are still trying to find information and resources. Also on the show were the adoption attorney who helped Rosie with her first adoption, and Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao, adoptee, author, and adoption therapist.

The Good, the Not-So-Good, the Pretty Bad, the Awful

Within the context of a one-hour (less commercials) show, it was, overall, a straightforward look at options and methods available to those seeking to adopt, and common misconceptions. There were, however, a few bumps along the way.

The Good: Issues such as the realities of adoption costs, losing an adoption, and the health of kids in foster care were met head-on, while single parent adoption and adoption by gays were addressed indirectly through adoptive parents who participated in the program.

The Not-So-Good: We were treated to adoption through Rosie-colored glasses. While it may be comforting to see adoption as a "win-win-win" situation, the reality is that it's primarily based on loss. There are gains, but it does a disservice to all - adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents - to ignore the element of loss. And other birth parent issues, which those seeking to adopt will encounter in most cases, should be at least acknowledged on any show about "how to adopt."

The Pretty Bad: The adoption attorney's comments about states and methods for the fastest possible termination of birth parents' rights were, at best, insensitive and at worst, insulting; however, Dr. Pavao jumped in to point out that it may not be in everyone's best interest - the child's first and foremost - to try to rush termination.

The Awful: At the end of the show, there was an 800 telephone number shown for expectant women or mothers considering placing their children for adoption. Called "Rosie Adoptions," the number was apparently to an attorney (Rosie's?) asking what kind of adoptive parent was being sought. As a birthmother acquaintance of mine said,
Adoptive parents receive tons of information and at the very least have the homestudy, but any panicky trusting pregnant woman can place a child without being informed. I offered some of my fact sheets free to the show. They didn't want any part in informing prospective birthparents. To me this is negligence of the highest degree.

Do Something About It

It's important to remember that information presented on the show about high costs, termination of parental rights, and other aspects of adoption reflect current practices and attitudes that are not Rosie's doing. However, the choice of participants in the show, information made available through the program, and personal statements are her responsibility.

For those who have a problem with Rosie's wealth, her motives for adopting, or her criteria, take it up with her. And for those who have a problem with adoption practices and attitudes, get involved with education, advocacy, and activism. Celebrity-bashing won't change what's wrong with the adoption industry. We will.

Brief Truths

Of course there's no way to convey the depth of information available about adopting in less than an hour, but to her credit, Rosie included a good representation of the most common questions, concerns, and basic how-tos.

Costs of the Three Types of Adoption

At every turn, Rosie asked about costs, which are a major consideration for all who approach adoption; however, little if any reference was made to how those seeking to adopt could find help managing the costs and fees for independent and private agency adoptions.

Independent adoption (adoption attorney)
Generally anywhere from $15,000 - 20,000, depending on whether the adopting parents locate parents considering an adoption plan on their own, or it's done by the attorney.
Private agency adoption
Estimated between $12,000 - 15,000 depending on services offered before and after adoption to both adopting and birth parents.
Public agency adoption (through foster care)
Cost is generally minimal, and many states absorb the entire cost, plus providing adoption assistance, insurance for the child to age 18, and other forms of support.

More on adoption costs and fees

Next page > Rosie's adoptions > Page 1, 2

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