False Abuse Allegations

BE WARNED! We have two foster/adopt girls, ages 8 and 11 which we have had in our home for 5 years. We love them very much. We formally adopted them 2 1/2 years ago. 4 months ago the older girl made an accusation against my husband re inappropriate sexual touching. It is a false accusation. She made similar accusations against other foster children while she was in foster care. The accusation was made in response to her being confronted about her touching a 4 year old boy sexually (not in our household). We know from behaviors when they were first in foster care that they had been abused sexually in their birth home prior to being picked up by CPS. We have documents regarding this and regarding this girl's tendency to lie. The original adoption was in California and we now live in Texas. The accusation was reported to the local CPS. My husband periodically suffers from depression and also was diagnosed shortly after the adoption, with Parkinson’s disease. When he heard about the accusation he was already having a depressive episode. He completely panicked knowing what just an accusation can do to a family and almost immediately took a massive overdose of his prescription meds. He was in a coma for 3 days and in the hospital for 2 weeks. CPS has interviewed the girl and she told them that he had touched her but she didn't want to talk about it. The doctors in the hospital have told the police investigator things about what he may or may not have said while he was under their care in the hospital. This while he was completely out of it from the overdose he took. What I heard him say on several occasions was “my daughter says I touched her.” CPS has now turned it over to the District Attorney’s office. My husband was arrested and released on bond. We had to hire an attorney. My husband was staying at a friend’s so the girls could stay home, but CPS decided that since I didn’t believe my husband did it, the girls should be moved. So I sent them to stay with family out of state which was fine with CPS. Now we wait for the legal process to grind on. We have grown married birth children (including daughters) who cannot believe this is happening. They have written letters in support of their dad. We were foster parents for over 20 years and have a spotless record and never one complaint or incident on our record. My husband in 58 yrs old! And now this! We did everything right, all the documents, etc. But at least in Texas it is “hang ‘em high” and “guilty until proven innocent”. How do you PROVE a negative? How do you prove he didn’t do it? The daughter now says she thinks she may have dreamt it. Of course CPS and the court don’t care/ don’t believe that. We have heard of former foster children putting a wrong face on an incident from when they were too little to really remember. Is this what happened or was she just trying to get out of trouble? Our lives are a shamble and who knows what will happen in court with the current attitude of the public (“children never lie about these things”).

Posted by: mariangelw at 09/27/2007 03:35 PM

Hi,
I hope I dont offend anyone, I am a former foster child, who has been on both sides. By this I mean I I made an alligation that was ture yet ignored, then was accused of making false alligation. A few years later that same foster parent got his 16 yr old adopted daughter pregnant. I have grown up and been told so many times that I need to forget the past, that is very hard to do. I am 37 and mother of 3. For many years I have felt as if I was going to go crazy, I tend to be distant, I dont trust anyone and feel like I am worthless. I am not saying that is due to any oe foster home, what I hope to get across is many of us former foster kids got moved around so many times after being taken away from sometime loving birth parents that could not get us back from CP$/DHS/DSS or whatever they call themselves in your state. In my case my mother did not know of the sexual abuse we never told her, yet DSS took us away from my mother and brothe 2 days after the abuser was arrested, 2 of our aunts tried to take us yet DSS placed us in a foster home cut us off from everyone and everything we ever knew, then we were moved 5 times over the next 8 months, then in the 10th month we were placed with our legal father that we had never meet. still not being allowed to see anyone other then our mother and brother 1 hour every 2 weeks that was after the first 30 days.
I should say that we/our means my twinn sister and I. I ended up turning to drugs and booze at the age of 11, this was also after being placed on ritalin for ADHD. By the time my mother got us back at age 11 1/2 yr old, I had already became out of control, I was told If I didnt like what my mom said or did I could call the worker and she would come and get me, Like I would have wanted to go back to foster care.........not. by time I was 13 my mom had to report m as run away to many times to count, I had been skipping school and doing as i pleased, smoking, drinking, and doing drugs. That was my way to get away from the pain, feeling rejected by everyone, For along time I hated my mom for not coming and getting me, for not coming and seeing me, for cancealed visits,missed birthdays, no phone calls. Not knowing she had fought hard, did all the pysc evaluations, classes, and jumping thru all the hoops. At age 13 and a few months my mother at age 37 had a heart attack, I ran away the night before, got picked up for accessory to grand larcany, and then placed in Juvinile home. At that point when my mother could get no help because she didnt want to put us back in foster care, she got worse, she couldnt take care of her self because of her heart attack so once again DSS stepped in placing us back into foster care, my legal father had signed off his parental rights because he couldnt handle the headaches of dealing with DSS or 2 out of control girls. DSS then gave my mom a choise TPR or fight again to get us back. My moms health would allow her to fight again. For the next 4 1/2 yrs I was in 6 different foster homes, 4 respite foster homes,seperated from my twinn sister, made to goto phyc twice a week, that didnt help as I was told if I would just admit my mom abused,neglected me I could get better. My mother wasnt the abuser, the only thing she was guilty of was not knowing. DSS and the molester were the abusers, DSS was the one who neglected us. Being placed in serveral homes over a 10 yr perod tends to affect anyone, and then it makes it worse for next placement, I wrote a poem a few yrs ago stating how I felt and still do, I would love to post here not sure if that is allowed. I really hope this helps others understand why alot of false alligations get made, when you are taught you dont have to listen or do what your told , when your young most children dont know the differance as they get older. It is a tool they can control, which is about the only thing foster kids have any control over. If both DSS and foster parents can try to understand what foster care dose to a child, the emotional neglect and abuse, then maybe some of the anger, hostilaty, and feeling worthless can stop for foster kids. I am sorry if I offend someone, I just needed to share the trama foster care did to my life and hope it helps another child not suffer the same.
Shelli

Posted by: Shelli at 04/25/2007 10:47 PM

My husband and I have 3 very young, sibling, foster children. We have had them in our care for 1 and 1/2 yrs. The oldest is three yrs. old, and she has already lied about me. One day she had a scratch on her cheek, that she must have gotten while I was at work b/c I don't remember it before I left, and she pointed at it and said to me,"You did it Mommy."
First of all, the scratch was very small, probably not even painful, and very much cosistent with normal "bumps and bruises" that every toddler gets; however, it could be a bad situation if someone believes her when she accuses us of things.
My husband and I do not use physical forms of punishment, let alone "scratching a child."
It can be nerve racking, but it is a risk that we all face in the name of helping kids!!!
Documentation of injuries and instances that occur can help you to prove and keep track of the things that occur in our homes. Also be sure to notify the caseworkers ASAP if there is an injury so that they know how it happened.

Posted by: sheilap at 09/13/2006 07:21 PM

We have a child that we adopted at 11. He is now 13 and he has turned out life upside down in a lot of ways. Just tonight he implied that if he would have responded my husband would hit him. My head just about split open at just the implication of that. The only time this child has been disiplined is when he tried to set our house on fire.. twice... and I believe that I had that right. I can't even imagine being accused but there are days that I can't help but think that day is right around the corner. After the first year of living with him I began documenting the good, the bad and the ugly and I make sure his therapists know what is gong on. 2.5 years after his adoption I am counting the days until he turns 18. There isn't enough therapy in the world to solve his mental problems. I wish I could say that I love him but instead I am really strating to resent what he has done to our lives.

Posted by: jnaos at 09/06/2006 06:17 PM

I am seriously looking for a solution to the false reports made and all the ways ANY hotline call is responed to. I have an idea I have been expressing to everyone I can find that will listen.
For a quick background:
My husband and I are foster/adopt parents for the past 12yrs. We adopted a sibling group of 3 and then a single. We have had several hotline calls all have been unfounded. A couple were by our own kids and a couple were from well meaning onlookers.
This past Friday we were the "victims" of a retaliation hotline. My home was litterally raided by 2 cops and an investigator. When I came to the door they pushed their way in and would not talk to me until they turned on my water and checked for food. Then they told me we were accused of verbal abuse. Because I have an extension cord on my fridge and a few tiles off the wall under my shower I was told I was in violation of city code and would be turned in and shut down if those two things were not fixed by the following Monday. That deadline was yesterday and so far the investigator has not shown back up or called.
Without this becoming to lengthy,, my sibling group have all been dx with serveral severe mental disorders, ADHD, RAD, ODD, PTSD, AS and bi polar. Our daughter is in a sever manic state right now. All three were in hospitals this summer at the same time. One still is. One is in transition back home.We are involved with 3 doctors, 5 theripists and 2 inhome workers that come to my house twice a week.
My solution is this:: There has to be a way that an office can be set up that will field the hotline calls, police calls or any that involve any other offical. Homes like mine that are already being constantly monitored can be flagged and investigated by the workers already in place. The last thing my chilren needed last Friday was the police busting in and threating to take them away from us or making them be moved from thier home. There were other things such as my son and daughter told the police and investigator off. They didn't have to do what anyone says, they don't like their rooms clean, and they bust out windows because they want to. What ammunition was added to the kids when they found out that the police and investigator indeed could not make them do anything.
I am in the process of putting my ideas on paper and seeing who I can get to help me make some active changes and contact people who need this project and can help or give input.
My email is [email]CheyGrama@aol.com[/email]. Please contact me if you are interested in chatting more about this.

Posted by: CheyGrama at 08/22/2006 10:00 PM