False Abuse Allegations - Adoption and Foster Care - by Rita Laws PhD - Why False Allegations Occur

hi just read your post and look im sure your intentions may have been good at first BUT i think you need to understand certain things. first this young boy does not have the ability to return the love you give him. so dont expect him too. second you need to earn his trust if hes going to stop doing what hes doing. if he doesnt trust you or if hes picking up on "signals" that somethings not right with you and your husband then you can definetly expect him to act out. thirdly you need someone you can talk to to verbally express your fustrations with him. by doing this you can let out alot of negative energy and turn a potentially bad outcome into a good one. you also need to re examine your motives for getting involved in foster care and adoption and so forth. well anywhoo thats just my two cents for what its worth.

Posted by: danielsimerson at 02/13/2010 07:21 AM

My husband and I have recently completed our 10 week mandatory training for Foster Parenting in Florida. We have been really excited about fostering and truly felt we could make a difference in a child's life. On the night of our last class, we had a representative from the "Foster Allegation Support Team" speak to us. He indicated that 99.5% of all foster parents will be accused of abuse sometime during their career. He also went on to say that we would be GUILTY until proven innocent and that this charge, unfounded or not, would stay on our permanent record, with out any mechanism in place for the removal or expunging of this charge. This has made us change our minds about fostering! The more research I do, and the more people I talk to, the more determined I am not to follow through with completing the requirements for licensure. I am a registered nurse, my husband is a firefighter/EMT- neither one of us can have something like this on our record! Neither of us would ever be able to find another job again! We also have a 6 year old child at home- would he be taken from us during the allegations? We definitely cannot risk that! I can't believe there isn't a mechanism in place to protect the records and lives of those falsely accused! Sorry Florida DCF- you've just lost a good, stable, loving home that could have made a positive impact on a child's life.

Posted by: Margo at 11/23/2009 08:10 AM

My friend and I are living through this horror as I write. Her now 8 year old daughter was kidnapped by the father at the age of 1-1/2 yrs. She was his "girlfriend" until almost 2 years ago. It took us 4 years to get CPS to remove her from the home. My friend was villified by CPS the entire time. We were asked not to journal or take pictures. Visits were denied. She has a spotless record and a daughter that is now near 6 yrs. old. CPS finally removed the girl from her dad 6 weeks after finding that she had gennital herpes. Then she was made a dependant, which we thought best for the services she would have access to. What is a CASA again please? Non-existant.
Now my friend has lost both girls due to false accusations. She has only used time-outs and consequence methods of discipline. She is a church girl who does not drink, smoke, and hates any talk of drugs. She is completely distraught and could go to jail if she does not get a counsel that is familiar with the behavior of sexually abused children. Especially 4 years worth.
I am familiar with all of this through my niece, who is a fost-adopt and tried this on her folks periodically throughout her life. She is in her 20's now. Luckily my sister is a school teacher/principal/ administrator and has the background and education in child behavioral science needed. My friend does not have a GED.
The younger daughter is like my own. She has her own room and clothes and toys at my house. I have been in daily contact with her since birth. Literally. They are actually considering allowing her to come and live with me. I pray that someone in the system understands the importance of continuity in a childs life. Her sister however has taught her that I am not her real dad and that her real dad is in jail. Now she tells the foster family the story. She was taken because the older sister told her she would get a foster home if she accused mom of hitting her.
These kids were happy, healthy, and in school until last week. We have no money of this magnitude and are praying for an expert to question the girls according to truth rather than per the accusations, and to evaluate this situation before we are railroaded out of our lives by a prideful social services dept. or DA's office. The little one was going to be the cycle-breaker. Thanks CPS for the services withheld.

Posted by: bibosdad at 02/10/2009 02:15 PM

I'm sorry for the nightmare you have been going through! I would recommend that you join and post on the main website associated with this one for more responses as there is a much more active membership in the Older Child Adoption group and in the Special Needs Adoption forum. You will receive responses and support which really sounds like what you need.

[url]www.adoption.com[/url] takes you to the homepage and if you scroll down a bit, you'll see a link named "forums" on the left side.

Posted by: Crick at 01/12/2009 12:17 PM

We adopted a sibling group of 4 almost 8 years ago. Our 14 yr old daughter is claiming that my husband has molested her since she was 7. This came about after she once again was caught stealing. She stole a cell phone from a friend and used it to send sexually explicit messages and photos of her privates to 2 grown men that were friends of an older foster brother. We found this out at the police station. Up to that point, she was happy as can be. The next day she says Dad did this to me. Also claims that 2 other boys from former foster home abused her as well. Then my older daughter chimes in that she was raped in foster care. Now they are investigating everyone. 14 yr old sleeps in my room at night so they don't have to removed her from home. She no longer speaks to me either now and claims she will hurt herself if she has to live here anymore. Her counselor wants us to find her a place to stay (like I'd ever inflict her on someone elses family!) Our lives are a nightmare right now. My husband will never be able to be the kind of father to his other daughters now for fear of what they might say. We've loved these kids and cared for them. We are not freaks! Just people that felt led by God to do something good. We had already raised our own bio kids, took in 2 teenage boys that were homeless and they all are happy adults. I feel guilty when I haven't even done anything! This all happend over Thanksgiving and noone has even spoken to my husband or asked him anything! Not even the police. They called me again today and said they'd like to "finish this up" so when would be a good time to talk to my husband. Again I told them "anytime". They said ok, we'll call you back later. It's ridiculous! I loved my daughter but I just don't know who she is anymore. She's not the same person, like she had a mental break. I don't know. If there's anyone reading this that has gone through this and would like to share, please do so. I need to talk to someone who understands. Dee

Posted by: DianaG at 01/08/2009 11:36 AM