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Divorce After Adoption - To-Do List for Two Years

Divorce To-Do Lists for Adoptive Parents: First Two Years

1. Remember that most people need two full years to feel whole again, so be patient. The first year is the toughest because of all of the firsts: the first birthday as a single, the first Valentine's Day, etc. Try turning the tables on sorrow and celebrate your first "divorceaversary." Take a friend out to dinner and give yourself a gift. You're going to be okay.
   
   
2. Keep the lines of communication open with your children. One way to facilitate discussion is with this question: "What do you think will be your 3 best memories of childhood, and 3 worst ones?" Use their answers as a blueprint to making home life even better.
   
   
3. If you want to begin dating again, talk to your kids about it regularly for a few weeks before proceeding. They will have many surprising questions. Give them time to get used to the idea and make sure they are clear on how this will and won't affect them.
   
   
4. Be as flexible about visitation as you can. This shows your children that you care about their relationship with the other parent.
   
   
5. Read up on forgiveness. There has been a lot of research on this subject in recent years. For example, forgiving someone who has wronged you can significantly increase your health, your quality of life and your lifespan. Forgiveness is not about doing something for the other person. They don't even have to know they have been forgiven. Forgiving is about doing something for you. Releasing anger, resentment and hatred liberates you by cutting the final ties. After forgiveness, life can only get better.

More of this feature
Page 1: Introduction & Online Support
Page 2: Adoption and Divorce: Facts & Fantasy
Page 3: More Myths About Divorce
Page 4: Preparing to Divorce
Page 5: To-Do List: First Week
Page 6: To-Do List: First Six Months
Page 7: To-Do List: First Two Years

About the Author
Rita survived divorce in the mid-nineties after a longtime marriage. Overnight, she became the sole custodial parent of the 9 children still in the home, ages 7 to 18. Eventually, she adopted again (as a single person). Today, there are 5 kids at home (and just as many dogs), and 7 children are grown and on their own. Rita has 3 grandchildren that she calls the "chocolate icing on the cake of parenthood." Life is good.

_{Copyright © 2003 Rita Laws and Nancy Ashe. All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced in any form without written consent.}

 ~ Rita Laws, Ph.D.

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