Diary of a Birthmom, page 17

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I talked to a counselor in the Post Adoption Department at Gladneyabout my little girl and my grief. I still feel so guilty and lost withouther. She's six months old today. She's starting to say letters and sherolls a lot. I got new pictures in the mail. I've missed six months ofher life even though I get pictures; etc. I can hardly function or holdonto my job.

My dog is trying to save my life in a way, I think. He stoodon my chest and started wrestling with me when I was depressed. He wouldn'tlet me stop playing and he kept licking my face. He made me laugh andsmile for the first time in weeks. The day before he'd been at the vetwith his on-going liver problem and was on three different meds. Forthe first time in a long time I felt new and alive. He'd made me careagain. I guess maybe God reached me through him, who knows? My littlegirl is so lucky. I'm so lucky. I told my dog not to leave me and thatI'd try and stick around. I thanked God.

A friend of mine made some rude comments about my adoption planand I almost drank over it. She said I should have another baby and keepit, that I could've afforded to keep my daughter and that I just didn'thave the confidence I needed to be a mom. She implied that since I lovemy little girl I should've kept her. Last night there were babies ata birthday party I went to and it made me sad. I almost quit or got fired.I got an email from a girl who's pregnant and doesn't know what to do.I sent her a copy of my journal and told her to call me. She's interestedin adoption. Her boyfriend abuses her.

I talked to that girl again about adopting. We talked for along time.

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