Reactive Attachment Disorder
"CHAT TRANSCRIPT: RAD" > Page
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13Chat Transcript: continuedpoppyflr what do you say to a child who says: "I don't know" to EVERY question you ask about why he did something?
SusanMW And I like the phrase, "If you choose to do that, SOMETHING will happen..." Which gives me time to think of the consequence.
KimHOST I think the hardest thing for the mom I'm working with is to stay unemotional and in control. She feels so hurt and angry and bewildered.
Chat ModeratorJohnsmom, I think the trick for most is keeping the emotion out of your voice. Once you show a reaction, it reinforces their reasons for the behaviors
poppyflr sort of like they get the upper hand when you (me) get angry.....
SusanMW Poppy, don't ask. Sometimes they truly don't know. They need to re-learn cause and effect.
Johnsmom Poppy, quit asking why. First of all you dont want to know really. Second it doesn't matter why they did it, they did it and need to suffer the consequences, that simple.
SusanMW ..and when I ask and get told, "I don't know," it just makes me angry. I'm trying to take that control away...
KAYDOC natural consequences stay with the children longer than our speeches
poppyflr and the consequences need to match the "crime"???
Johnsmom They want to frustrate you and by asking them 100 questions about the deed then they win.
JodyHOST I honestly don't think they know why they do the things they do.....
poppyflr ok...so then I just accept that they did the bad thing and give them the consequence of their action?
KAYDOC I tell mine action speaks louder than words......
Johnsmom sometimes maybe, but mostly its just to get a reaction.
SusanMW When possible it should fit the crime, but I admit, sometimes I don't think quick enough on my feet, so I tell her later (5 min. or a day, it depends) what the consequence is.
Johnsmom we stopped giving John a reaction to his constant stealing and its not as fun anymore.
poppyflr sort of like I've had to accept that they will lie to me just to keep from getting into trouble, even when there is no need to lie?
Johnsmom yes poppy they do, so you have to take the opportunity away to lie.
poppyflr yes...I've already started doing that...by not asking them what I already know...
Chat Moderator poppy, I lied all the time, for absolutely no reason that I can (now as an adult) think of - many times it had nothing to do with getting in or out of trouble
JodyHOST it's fondly referred to as crazy lying and is one of the symptoms of RAD
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