Birth Family Support & Organizations

Have never done this before. Kind of nervous.

In 1974, I was notified by Catholic Charities, approximately two weeks after my son was born, that I in fact had a son. The birth mother had never contacted me to let me know she was pregnant. Catholic Charities coerced me (a naive 23-year-old at the time) into signing away my rights that very same day. They told me I would be able to contact the adoptive parents, neglecting to tell me that I would have to wait until he was 18 to do so. Shortly before my son turned 18, I contacted Catholic Charities, asking what I needed to do to contact the adoptive parents. They informed me that I could NOT EVER contact the birth parents. After I told them I would get an attorney, they finally said they would forward a letter from me to the adoptive parents. This time, they did keep their word! I received a beautiful letter from the adoptive mother. Some time later, I received a letter from my birth son. As a testament, I am sure, to his loving adoptive family, he told me he really had zero interest in knowing me. However, he did continue to write, infrequently, over the next ten years. I even had the extreme pleasure of meeting him, one time only, when he was 29 years old. Since that time, in 2003, I have not heard from him even once. My heart, to this day, is incredibly broken. Not only was I denied my own son from birth -- even before birth -- but I am cheated out of knowing him even now. No blame on him, of course.

Over the many years, I attempted to contact the birth mother. Finally, approximately a year ago, she sent me a note saying that I was "harassing" her and that she was angry because I had never tried to contact her after our son's birth. What?! She did not even tell me she was pregnant, she turned our son over to Catholic Charities without my knowledge, who quite literally STOLE him from me, and now it is I who am a bad person?!

I am writing this to find out if possibly there is someone else who has experienced something similar. My son recently turned 36 years old, I am in ill health, and I am more or less resigned to the fact that I will never see or hear from him again.

I would also like to know, is this the way that Catholic Charities continues to do "business" with birth fathers?

Posted by: Alan Woodruff at 02/11/2010 11:22 AM

If it's only been a week and she has doubts about her decision to place him, it may be that her rights are still in effect. Have her parental rights been terminated? If not, then she has every right to decide on a different family or parent herself.

Did she get anything in writing in regards to the open adoption agreement? It's hard to legally enforce this depending on the state you reside in, but sometimes they are enforceable.

Posted by: Crick at 12/29/2009 12:52 PM

My daughter has had a beautiful baby boy, now 2 yrs. She is bonded with him. He is in the process of being adopted by a family members. They said they would share him with her in an open adoption, which he is in foster care with them at this time.
They have had him living with them for a week and all is going well with the bonding in there family.
A picture came to my daughter with him and his new family and she started to cry very hard, her heart hurts all these mixed motions, because the new family is not keeping there word now as to letting her see him for Christmas,before she goes back to college, but they are taking him to other members of the family homes.
She is broken knowing this move is the most loving gift she could ever have given her son by putting him above her needs. But is now feeling pushed to the side during this holiday season in not being able to give a gift and a hug to him and seeing him in his new enviorment. I as grandmother can understand they want the first Christmas to be there's, but I feel that they should at least call her, tell her thank you for the great gift she has given them,and share a time that is that would be good for them all to have this gathering. It has not happen and I am close with all of them and I dont know what to say that will help my daughter feel better. Can you give me any advice please that will help me to say something that will help. thank you grama51

Posted by: grama51 at 12/25/2009 04:21 PM