Forums | Site Map

Home

Beating the Holiday Stress Stepmom Style - Part 2

Part 2: Tips to Help Yourself

More of this Feature •Part 1: Dealing with Others

Related Resources •Stepfamily Stress •Feeling Down?

by Karon Goodman
© 2001, All rights reserved

Take a breath, and remember to save some of your energy for you. When you add the stress that a stepmom feels every day into the anxious mix of holidays and family ties, you can create a blend of frustration and anxiety harder to get rid of than leftover fruitcake. Take the time now, today, to get prepared with these tips to help yourself:

1. Accept imperfection. Even if you were a member of a traditional family, your holiday season wouldn't be perfect. Remember that when you feel the urge to blame all your problems and inconveniences on your marital status. Granted, the complications are doubled or tripled, the strategic planning may resemble a lunar landing, and even with the best of plans, things will go wrong. It's okay. It's normal. Your family will survive.
   
   
2. Let everyone else accept the imperfection, too. Don't stress yourself even more by trying to solve everyone else's problems. If a parent or in-law is unhappy with some plans you've made, you can't help that. If you have to miss a function, offer your regrets and then do what you have to do. Focus on what can happen, not on what can't.
   
   
3. Reduce your work load. If you're feeling a lot of stress because of all the extra work you have to do, choose not to do it, now. Buy instead of bake. Decorate half as much. Buy gift cards. Don't worry about impressing anyone. Strive for peace and serenity. Add a chore to your day only if it will bring you more happiness or satisfaction in some way. Don't feel obligated to meet anyone's standards except your own, and those are always negotiable.
   
   
4. Lower your expectations. When we think about the holidays, we see Norman Rockwell pictures in our heads and anticipate complete banishment of the Grinch. In our reality, sometimes the pictures are more Norman Bates and the Grinch moves in to stay. Expect some confusion. Expect some tension. Expect some disappointments. But also expect some surprises. Expect some harmony. Expect some joy. Expect some amazing gifts of your family and the spirit it holds. Then let the holiday unfold as it will, and enjoy the season you're given. Expect to survive the holidays with grace and humility. That's what will happen.
   
   
5. Decide what you want from the holidays. Decide what memories you want to have when it's all over. Try to keep those objectives in mind as you work through the hustle and bustle. When the holidays arrive next year, you'll look back on this year and remember just a few things clearly. What do you want those few things to be? Keep your focus there. Let everything else go.
   
   
6. Don't forget to laugh. There may be days when you want to cry and kick and scream. We've all had them. But hidden amid the chaos will be some moments of pure joy that the holidays always bring. Find them. Enjoy them. Laugh and smile every time you get the chance. Put those moments on your list of memories. Take the time to stop the work and enjoy the wonder of the season.

The holidays will pass, and soon we'll resume our routines and continue to grow our families the best we can. The holidays are important for all families, but you have opportunities all year long to bond and blend - you don't have to do it all at once. You don't have to create the perfect holiday for your family. Instead, work on building your family for the holidays and beyond.

> > Part 1, 2

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Karon Goodman is a mom, stepmom, and writer from Alabama. Her book, "The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life", will be released in Spring 2002. Visit Karon's monthly newsletter, The Stepparenting Journey, now online. She can be reached at karon@karongoodman.com.

Email Page to a Friend | Feedback | Adoption | Adoption Wiki | Parent Profiles | Infertility | Adoption Information

© Adopting.org 1995-2009. This site should not substitute personal professional, legal, or medical advice. The accuracy and personal applicability of this information is not guaranteed. By using it you agree to the terms of service, including jurisdiction and limitation of liability provisions.