Around the World in 180 Days
30-May-2001St. Louis
A group of girls who visit the
adoption. web site came to St. Louis to meet each other and me. I looked forward to the next 5 days.
The St. Louis airport is bigger than I thought; then, that has been the case with all the US cities and towns I have been to, well... except for Chipley, FL.
I walked into the arrival lounge and no Toni (she had offered to pick me up). I continued the long walk to pick up my baggage. The dreaded "big blue bag" needed to reunite with its owner. Still no Toni. I thought to myself it was a good thing I had the details of the Hotel. What to do? I sat for a while, decided that the best plan would be to get the information booth to call out her name. Still no Toni. Gave myself a cut off time to sit and wait before I organised transport to the Hotel; trouble was the Hotel was in Illinois not in Georgia, and the distance between the Hotel and the airport was great. I did not want to leave and have Toni wandering around the airport for hours looking for me.
I turned my head and saw a sign saying "WENDY", behind it was a smiling face. I would not have recognised Toni had it not been for the sign. Her hair was different and this changed her face. She and Gina had been caught in traffic. I beamed a smile back and gave her a big hug.
By the time we got back to the hotel, Michelle, Brandy, Angela and Natasha were waiting for us. I walked into the room and saw Michelle, Angela and Natasha first, their warmth and big hellos made me feel at ease right away. Michelle had changed her hair too, so I had to play "Guess Who?" Brandy had been tending to her guinea pig 'Calvin' in the other room so she was the last one to say Hi.
We sat around for some time discussing all aspects of adoption and different subjects currently on the forum of the adoption. site. I saw the character of each one of these incredible girls surface, this became my favourite pastime over the next 5 days, observing their personalities.
Michelle is an adoptive parent waiting to adopt another child; she has had a great deal of heartache waiting for her chance to adopt again. We have been chatting for about 6 months. Her strength of character was evident to me right from the start. She has a gentle smile and a kind way about her. I watched her with little Natasha and warmed to her instantly, her patience and tenderness expressed itself strongly when she played with her. Her assertive nature surfaced as she sorted out our bill with the Hotel Manager, I was very pleased to leave it in her hands.
Gina, a humorous and deep thinking young woman, is a birthmom in an open adoption. I have known her for about 12 months; she and I met in the Chat room of adoption.. (she really does not sound like a Chipmunk, not that I know what a Chipmunk sounds like) :o)
Her story, unfolding in front of my camera, touched my heart. She proudly showed me the photographs of her daughter and the family her daughter is now a part of. Her eyes filled with tears as she touched on the depths of her story. I struggled not to cry myself as I watched her carry on regardless of the deep emotion surfacing for her. Still being a part of her daughter's life, visiting periodically, enjoying watching her grow, seems so natural to Gina. Conscious not to interfere too much in her daughter's family, she works and relates well with the adoptive Mum.
I was so encouraged to hear the dynamics of open adoption, having only experienced closed adoption and the heartache it brings. It seems, even though there are many positive aspects about open adoption, and it is working well for Gina and her daughter, the deep emotions associated with being a birthparent are there regardless.
She is a delightful and witty young woman working towards becoming an RN, and moving forward in her life, I have great admiration for her.
Brandy and I met in the chat room on adoption.. She is an adoptee with an incredibly happy disposition. What a hoot she was, her natural sense of humour and her facial expressions had me laughing many times, there is no way I am going to tell you that she snores... that would be an awful thing to do to Brandy. Her tender heart she expressed with a soft voice and an infectious laugh.
Calvin, the guinea pig, came with her and was an extra in our room, however the Manager did not charge us for his accommodation. He was no trouble at all except for the fact that Gina got him all excited and found he had left little puddles on her clothing and on the hotel furniture, but he was no trouble at all to me.
Angela and Natasha (mother and daughter), were a wonderful surprise to me. Natasha has only been in an English speaking country for 4 months and her understanding of English astounded me. She investigated everything. "Whatcha doin" she would say in her cute little voice. Nobody's camera was safe from *this * budding little photographer, whose favourite photographic subject seemed to be breasts. Angela's story of how Natasha came to be in her arms as her daughter was riveting. She has a wonderful way of expressing herself, paints the mental picture with her words perfectly, I felt like I was right there with her in the Ukraine.
I watched her mothering Natasha with the patience and thoughtfulness of a Mother who seemed to have been doing it for years.
Barbara and Toni (both adoptees) come as a pair, they have been best friends for a long time and one can tell this after being with them for only a few minutes. Only a best friend could say the things Barb says to Toni and get away with it hahaha!!! I would never be brave enough!!!! Listening to them bouncing their humour off each other was entertainment for us all. Aside from all the humour one could tell this was a friendship of support and understanding of each other, the sort of friendship we all hope we can experience before we leave this earth.
Toni is a feisty young woman who has the kindest heart and the best little family. I stayed overnight with them and thoroughly enjoyed talking about life, kids, Australia and ports of the World with Joe (Toni's hubby). Toni and I got around to filming her interview late at night, her story is a sad one, but as she said to me "If I had the chance to change anything, I would not change it as my experience is who I am now, it has made me who I am." Such wisdom coming from a young woman who has know such heartache at such a young age.
Meeting these wonderful young women added a richness to my collection of stories. We enjoyed eating and laughing together and some (Gina, Toni and Brandy), enjoyed a few 'ales' or was it Captain Morgan's or Captain Kangaroos (as Mari51 called it) cannot remember just what it was they drank until 5 in the morning but there was a great deal of laughter and noise. This actually lulled me off to sleep; I loved to hear the human interaction, I am so fortunate to have these girls as part of my life.
We did not get to see any of St. Louis except for the Big Arch and the countryside between the city and Toni's home. It is a beautiful part of the country, a farming community with typical two storied white, wooden farmhouses with steep pitched grey rooves and the typical American barn to the side of the farmhouse. I was so tired on the way to Toni's but I forced myself to stay awake so that I could experience it all.
Went from St Louis to New York for one night then on to Maine.
My love and hugs to you all,
Wendy
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