When You Don't Want to be Contacted
As hard as it may be for some to understand, there are both adoptees and birth parents who are not interested in search and who do not want to be contacted. If you fall into this group, this is for you.
Know the Law The first thing you need to do is learn the
law in the state where the adoption was finalized.
Some states provide legal means for you to actively prevent contact and/or disclosure of information about you, even in states where records might otherwise be available. These are called
vetoes.
Other states (notably
Alabama and
Oregon and others) have forms for birth parents stating a preference not to be contacted. While these are not enforceable, it is believed that adult adoptees will respond with maturity and respect these wishes. In Oregon, when a preference for no contact is filed, it
must be sent in with updated medical information (see below).
Information about the law in each state also includes contact information for state adoption offices and indicates who or which agency is responsible for handling requests for the release of information.
Call (optional) If you're not sure who or what agency is responsible, call and ask. Get an address to which you can write and, if possible, the name of a person to contact.
Write a Letter Whether or not you take the extreme action of signing a veto, you can write a letter to the agency responsible for handling information requests. (If an agency other than the state is indicated, you might
also want to write to both the agency and the state.)
In your letter, identify yourself with the information you have about the adoption, and state your wish for no contact. However, I would also like to suggest the following:
- Adoptees
One of the things your birthfamily members will want to know is if you are well. Even though you are requesting no contact, please consider adding additional information that can be made available to a searching birthparent or other birthfamily member.
- Birthparents
Updated medical information is always welcomed by adoptees. Please consider adding this information to your letter, to be made available to a searching adoptee or his/her adoptive parents. It will help the adoptee take any necessary preventive measures, and it could help save a life.
Note: Alabama and Oregon (and other "open records states") have forms for medical updates that can be downloaded, completed, and returned:
Alabama
Oregon
Use Registered Mail Spend the extra money and send your letter by registered mail, return receipt requested. This will give you a permanent record that actual delivery was made.
© Nancy S Ashe
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