First Steps to Take
Once you
make the decision to search, there are several things you might want to do as first steps:
- Know the Law
- Keep a Journal
- Register with ISRR
- Gather Information
- Write a Letter
- Join a Support Group
Know the Law Laws regarding the release of identifying and non-identifying information about your adoption vary from state to state (even county to county in some states), province to province, and country to country. For US adoptions, check the
statutes regarding access to information. Getting information about your adoption may be as simple as asking for it.
Keep a Journal Write everything down - no matter how insignificant. Write down information about yourself and the adoption, registries where you post your information, names and contact information for your state adoption offices, agencies, searchers, and anything/anyone else you think has a bearing on your search. If you're addicted to your computer, you can certainly use it, but be sure to backup to a disk or CD frequently. If something happens to your computer, your information will be safe.
Register with the ISRR The
International Soundex Reunion Registry is the largest, free mutual consent registry in the world. If your information matches that from another entry, you will be notified. The reason all searchers recommend registering with the ISRR before all others is that it is international, and it is becoming more and more well-known to searchers on and off the Web. Go ahead and register early, using as much information as you have (birthdate, birthplace, agency, your name, year of adoption, etc.) and add to it as you gather more details. The
ISRR Web site has a form to download that you can fill out and mail.
Gather Information Do Your Best. In the beginning, we all *assume* the information we know about ourselves and events in our lives is true, and this is the most reasonable way to start. If you discover that your adoption is connected to "
black market adoptions", or that you were given information that isn't accurate, you can incorporate that into your search. For now, concentrate on what you believe to be true.
Adoptees: Start with your basic information, birth date, place, year of adoption, and anything else you know. Ask for information from your parents and other relatives and family friends who may have been privy to information at the time your adoption occurred.
Check your state contact person or agency for
non-identifying information, and either write or call to obtain whatever information will be released. Excellent guidance can be found at
Rema's Adoption and Search Site.
Birth Parents: Write down everything you remember or think you remember about the entire adoption process: names, dates, places. Then ask family and friends who were with you at the time to tell you all they remember... and write it all down, even the information that doesn't match with your own recollections. As you move forward with your search, these differences may turn out to be valuable clues.
Then check the listing in
Search Tips for Birth Parents for additional questions to ask of agencies, attorneys, hospitals, and others.
Write a Letter Whether you are an adoptee, birth parent, sibling, adoptive parent, or other adult related to any of the parties to an adoption, write a letter.
The
State Access to Information page will give you access to a contact point. Find out about placing a letter (and/or waiver) in the adoption file so that another adult searching in connection to this adoption will be able to receive it. Ask to whom you should write - state, agency, attorney.
Depending on the state and/or agency, you may want to include your present location, information about current medical situations, and express your desire for contact (or not - see
When You Don't Want to be Contacted).
When you do send a letter to the state, agency, or attorney, spend the extra money to send it registered mail, return receipt requested. You will have a permanent record that it was received, and by whom.
Join a Support Group Check your
state or
provincial resources for a search-related support group, or join one of the many
support groups with a wider scope that may provide help.
Best Resources:
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Comments
This article is great for learning how to start your search process. Keeping a journal of your search is an excellent tool for you. Journaling not only helps you get the stories and facts down, but it also helps you in gaining focus and keeping your sanity. Searching for your family is an exhausting and emotionally draining experience so it is great to have somewhere to write down your feelings, as well as a support system to fall back on. Joining a support group that has been or is going through the same thing is also an excellent way for you to "vent" your feelings, whatever they are. This support group will also be able to assist you in knowing how to go about your search as they have done it before. They may even have methods that you have not even considered or thought of! All of these things work together to help you and support you during this search. Most searchers have a hard time with the beginning of the search and knowing where to start. This article is a great tool for making those first steps into learning more about your family! Learning more about the laws in your birth state concerning adoption will also help you in your search.
Posted by: cranium at 12/01/2005 08:21 AM
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