Adoption Has Its Grinches Too - page 2
>Why Write a Parody?At this time of year (and others), when families gather, our thoughts turn to those who are absent... those who have died, those who are far away, and those who have participated in making our families possible.
Without birth parents, our families would not exist. It's that simple. Whatever their circumstances - whether they made poor choices, had choices made for them, or made the best choice as they saw it for their children, without them, we wouldn't be the families we are today.
No matter the lifestyle choices, no woman forgets she bore a child. For many men who did, indeed, know they fathered children who were placed for adoption, the same holds true. And at holidays, when we in our adoptive family cocoons remember and think of those who aren't with us, birth parents think of the children in their lives, and they think of the parents of those children - youth and adults.
During this season, I received a message from an adoptive parent. All identifying names have been removed. This was my inspiration for the parody on the previous page:
There were many reasons I wanted a closed adoption. I didn't ever want to have to look at the woman who had left her child at the orphanage. I don'tever want my daughter to have the option of seeing her, wondering "is she my real mother?" or any of that. I am her mama, and that's pretty much the end of that story. Jealously and insecurity on my part probably play somerole, but that's the way it's going to be. I don't ever want someone else looking over my shoulder, seeing how I'm raising the kid they didn't want.
I don't ever want my daughter to have to feel she was abandoned, although of course that's what she was. The birthmother had some health problems and couldn't afford an abortion, I was told. I don't ever want my daughter to meet the woman who would rather have aborted her. I don't want my daughter to think she can recreate ties with her past and forget about herfamily, those of us who've raised and nurtured her. The decision I make for her is that I am her family, and an open adoption would have jeopardized that.
The birthmother has (zero) 0 rights toward the child, and vice versa. If we run into health issues (which we clearly have) we'll deal with them on our own.My father thinks the [adoption] should have been open. He thinks I owe it to them to keep them updated on her status. He and people like him can go to hell, in my opinion. She rotted on a databank waiting for [people] to adopt her. They didn't. I did. She's mine, and will be mine for the rest of her life. I don't feel that I owe anyone anything for having taken her out of the orphanage.
Another View
- Our Daughter's Russian Family
Parents of international adoptees are often able to locate and develop a relationship with their children's birth families. One parent describes her quest, the reasons behind it, and how she feels it will help her daughter.
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Happy Holidays
© Nancy Ashe
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