Siblings & Differences
Open and Not-so-open adoptionswith Ronny Diamond, M.S.W.
Director, Spence-Chapin's Adoption Resource Center
Question: (Submitted by someone unable to make the chat.) She has one adopted child - VERY open, and is in the process of adopting again, but it appears that while there may be contact, there won't be the same openness - perhaps no visits at all. She wants to know how she can explain to both children.
Ronny: The 2nd child can benefit from the 1st child's open relationship with birth family to learn generally about birth parents. Not every bmom wants the same thing. Some think it will hurt too much to have openness, and people not connected to adoption warn birth and adoptive parents against openness. It doesn't make sense to them because it is 'counterintuitive' - seems like it will make things more difficult when it doesn't really.
Question: The adoptive mom is concerned that it may place too much pressure on the first child's bmom/family to interact with the 2nd child (or that they may not want to), making the 2nd child feel left out and worse.
Ronny: My experiences with that situation have been different. The bmoms have been comfortable including the other children in the family, to some extent, birth and adopted kids. The adoptive parents need to discuss this with the bmom to help her understand the situation, but the adopted child also needs to have a separate relationship with his/her bmom.
• Page 1: Opening Remarks
• Page 2: Kept Siblings in Bio Family
• Page 3: Bio and Adopted Siblings
• Page 4: Open and Not-so-open Adoptions
• Page 5: One Sibling's Behaviors
| Adoption Profiles |
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