Adoption and Your Child's Teachers

with Rita Taddonio, CSW
Director of SPARK (ChildDevelopment program) at Spence-Chapin

Question: My daughter has a field trip coming up and the class is going to Canada. To do this, they need copies of her birth certificate. The adoption was just finalized and we don't have the new or old b/c yet. I do have the adoption certificate though, and am going to check to make sure this will work... but my daughter doesn't want anyone to know she is adopted. She is 12 now and really wants to go on the trip, but is upset because we will probably have to use the adoption certificate. What would you suggest?
Rita: Well, you have to discuss her options with her. She can not go to Canada or you can use the adoption certificate and only show it to the teacher or administrator who needs to see it and ask that they keep it confidential. It is time to have a discussion about how life doesn't always give us the choices we want. Since it's her story, it's her decision how to handle it - but her options in this case, like other life situations, are limited. Growing up is tough, especially preteen age.
Comment: I know. Her biggest problem is that, in her last class, the teacher literally made fun of her because she was in foster care and being adopted... in front of her classmates.
Rita: Oh, that makes me crazy! That is so irresponsible of her teacher. Does she want you to talk to the teacher? I would also suggest you share the adoption certificate with an administrator then, not the teacher if possible.
Comment: We needed to use the adoption certificate to register in this school (we recently moved), so administration does know about her adoption status.
Rita: So who holds the certificate for the trip? And has anyone spoken to the teacher, or does your daughter not want anyone to?
Comment: So far, we have been discussing it with her and the options. We haven't talked to the teacher yet. Of course, this may all be for nothing anyway if customs won't accept it. I am calling them tomorrow.
Rita: True, but they should. They did with my goddaughter, but these days it's hard to tell.

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•Page 1: Opening Remarks
•Page 2: Don't Want to Make an Issue
•Page 3: Parent Presentations
•Page 4: Child Doesn't Want Teacher to Know
•Page 5: Blame and Bullying

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