Is It Toddlerhood or Adoption?

with Rita Taddonio, CSW
Director of SPARK (ChildDevelopment program) at Spence-Chapin

Cammom: At what age do I start talking to my child about being adopted?
Rita: You should start talking right away - just the simple story of how you became a family, look at the pictures if you have any and it will become your family history.

for California

Stam: My daughter is almost 2. She was adoped at 13 mos. She is hitting adults and children alike when frustrated. We have expressed that we do not hit and used time outs. We also asked her to express herself with words. Anything else that can be done?
Rita: You're doing a lot of correct things... is there a way to help her avoid getting frustrated - what frustrates her.
Stam: She does not like being told "No" and she doesn't like to share with other children. She is an only child.
Rita: What I am getting at is that you may want to try being proactive and helping her learn how to catch herself before losing it and hitting. You will have to model this.
Stam: I uderstand but what about when she is being disciplined?
Rita: Ah, if she hits then, you have to tell her that it is not okay and tell her it's time to go to her calm down place until she is ready to listen without being hurtful to you or mom - you are probably doing this -you just have to stick it out. It will work eventually.

Angela: Rita, what about language evaluation for Stam's child?
Rita: Good point we don't now how verbal she is or if she has been tested or is getting therapy. What about it, Stam?
Stam: Her verbal skills are good. She is already starting to make sentences.
Rita: And you said you encourage her to use her words which is appropriate, but tell me, has she ever had a language assessment?
Stam: We contacted early intervention and they did not feel that she was at all behind. That is also the ped dr's opinion. Early intervention said if they evaluated her and we felt there was no issue that they would not return for 3 mos.
Rita: Okay, so you checked out EI - you really are doing all the right things. I think she may just be a headstrong child - this will serve her well in pursuing goals as an adult but she will need you to teach her how to temper it, which is what you are in the midst of, and it will probably make you crazy, but hang in there.

• Page 1: Opening Remarks
• Page 2: What's "Normal"?
• Page 3: Hitting When Frustrated
• Page 4: Early Intervention
• Page 5: Language Skills

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