Is It Toddlerhood or Adoption?
with Rita Taddonio, CSW
Director of SPARK (Child Development program) at Spence-Chapin
SBD: What do you mean by "an environment.... where a child with a sense of independence can flourish?"
Rita: You want to allow your child to make choices where they can and try things out on their own if it's safe.
Annette: Rita, do you find that adoptive parents underestimate how much of an impression a toddler's preadoptive environment had on them?
Rita: Sometimes. It depends on the individuals. The reverse is also true and parents can overemphasize their child's history.
Cammom: My daughter seems to be acting like any one of my bio children at that age. I don't see the difference with the child being adopted or not.
Rita: Good. Within the family at this age you shouldn't see differences unless your child is coming from an orphanage at 18 months or older.
Annette: Do you recommend when parents first get their adopted toddler, that they go easy with discipline at first to ease the child into a new life or start out with your normal discipline routine?
Rita: I think you need to be a little laid back and spend time learning your child's temperment but choose some simple non-negotiable rules and enforce them.
SBD: If you don't have a bio child to compare your adopted child to, where do you go for answers to see if the behavior is normal for a toddler or because of what they learned in the orphanage?
Rita: There are numerous books on typical toddler behavior - Brazleton, Penelope Leach, etc., that you can use as a guide. Is there a behavior you are concerned about?
SBD: Yes, my girl, home at 19 months, is now 2.5 years old. Her sense of order is extraordinary. She would rather help me put away things than actually play with them. I was just reading an article about kids who are 2 years old, and my kid in no way reflects the scattered - no sense of what's going on around them - behavior. My daughter is right on top of what's going on around her, will call me on anything that is different. She is extremely uncomfortable if the daily routine changes.
Rita: This is not a bad thing. She may have the temperament of a very structured person. You just want to watch that it doesn't interfere with her ability to deal with change, transition, playing with others, etc.
• Page 1: Opening Remarks
• Page 2: What's "Normal"?
• Page 3: Hitting When Frustrated
• Page 4: Early Intervention
• Page 5: Language Skills
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