Talking to Your Child About Adoption
with Ronny Diamond, M.S.W.
Director, Spence-Chapin's Adoption Resource Center
Opening Remarks
Ronny Diamond: Hi, I'm Ronny and I hope I can help you with some of your adoption questions. Let me start by saying that all kids are curious about their beginnings and want to know as much as possible about their birth families.
Parents should start talking about adoption with very young kids, way before they can understand. They'll grow into an understanding. Adoptive parents' job is to help your kids understand what happened to them and why. Why didn't their birth mothers keep them and raise them?
Talking with kids about adoption is important at all ages. You can raise the issue - adoption is about your family - you don't have to wait for your child to ask. Don't ask questions with kids who don't want to talk. They'll just refuse to engage in a discussion. You just talk.
You can share photos and letters at any time. Young children may not fully understand what a letter means but they will understand they were loved and that's what is most important. Explain why the birth mother planned adoption using basic information, such as she was alone and didn't have a father to help care for you; she was young and wanted to finish school and didn't have anybody to take care of you; she was already the mommy of a little boy and didn't feel she had enough time and money to take good care of another child. She knew that before you were born, it wasn't about you.
It can be helpful to share pictures of the birth family as part of your child's baby album. That way you don't have to worry about when to show the pictures.
© 2003, Ronny Diamond, MSW
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