Talking to Your Child About Adoption

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with Ronny Diamond, M.S.W.
Director, Spence-Chapin's Adoption Resource Center

Question: My son is one, and adopted from Guatemala. Talking about adoption is no issue yet but I am preparing myself for it.
Ronny: Now you can talk about adoption and get practice without your son understanding what you're saying. It helps to practice.
Reply: In preparing for it, when I talk to strangers and they compliment my baby, I immediately say I adopted him from Guatemala. With this, I am practicing my opennes about adoption. My husband doesn't agree with this practice. Is it wrong?
Ronny: There are personal styles and if your way of handling adoption is consistent with your style - open or private - that makes sense. If you're open about most things but not adoption, that could be a problem, and vice-versa. Your son may not always want to be introduced as having been adopted. You can check it out with him when he's old enough. Something else important is to find out what your child feels about the thing being raised. How does (one parent's) child feel about not having the same tummy mommy as his sibling? Also, there is a difference between open, private, and secret. You can be open with some people and private with others.

Question: Important to convey those concepts to our children as well, isn't it? So they don't think there's anything *wrong*?
Ronny: Yes, help kids understand that not everyone understands about adoption and sometimes they ask dumb/silly questions. They don't understand the love is the same, etc.

Question: Are there any signs to look for if you think someone has said something hurtful to your child about adoption that he/she may not be able to communicate?
Ronny: It's best to keep the door open to conversations with your child. Don't get too upset if they're hurt or they won't tell you next time. Listen and be empathic - tell them it must be hard.

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