A Parent's Guide to Adoption Disruption and Dissolution

What To Do When Your Adoption is Failing - Introduction

One of the saddest - and most controversial - occurrences in the world of adoption is when adoptive parents feel compelled to disrupt or dissolve an adoption.

Views surrounding disruption and dissolution are widely divided. Many believe adoptions should never be allowed to disrupt or dissolve; some think disruption or dissolution is the answer at the first sign of trouble; and others believe disruption or dissolution can be the best solution for families and children in certain extreme cases.

Whatever our position, it's prudent to remember that:

• the risk of arriving at the point of disruption or dissolution can be minimized if full disclosure is made to prospective adoptive parents, and if parents take advantage of every learning opportunity to understand what challenges may be encountered;
  
  
• the child's well-being and best interests must be paramount.

The sad fact is that some adoptions do reach the point where parents consider disruption or dissolution, and the lack of guidance, procedures, support, and compassion can throw families already stressed to the breaking point into chaos, not knowing where to turn or what steps to take.There is a shockingly small amount of information on this topic available to the general public. Disruption statistics are easy to find, but a guide to the before, during, and after of the process? This is a first.

Disruption is not a topic of general conversation - possibly because no one wants to anticipate the failure of an adoption, or because it seems to imply that the people involved (agencies, parents, professionals) have failed a child. The topic can generate accusatory and negative comments and, as a result, many who face the prospect of disruption or dissolution often take their discussions to private groups where they may try to find their own solutions. It is time to bring disruption discussions out into the open.

The author of this adoption disruption Guide writes:

"For years, I never mentioned the fact that I had suffered through two disruptions. Emotionally, they felt like miscarriages or even abortions, and no one wants to hear about loss. But over the years, I have learned that I have every reason to feel pride about my personal stats. I have attempted to adopt 11 times, all high risk children with special needs, most of them older children who had spent a lot of time in the system. Some of these were highly questionable matches that the adoption agency should have steered me away from, in favor of a child whose needs I could better meet. But I trusted the agency too much. I expected it to be infallible. From what I have learned about disruption risk and large family dynamics, it is almost miraculous that 9 of these adoptions have been successful and only 2 disrupted. I believe that adoptive parents who try everything before giving up, and who only give up when safety concerns force them to, should have no regrets either. They should hold their heads up high. Supermom, after all, is a mythical being."

This Parent's Guide is intended as a non-judgmental source of information for parents who may be considering this serious step. I am greatly indebted to Dr. Rita Laws for her work on creating the Guide for the site, and it is our hope that it will not only provide accessible, reliable, plain-language information, but also increase understanding of the challenges that face families in extreme crisis.

"What To Do When Your Adoption Is Failing: A Parent's Guide to Adoption Disruption and Dissolution"

• Introduction
• Before: Answers to parents' first questions
• During: The process
• After Disruption: Now what?
• Reading Resources for Parents Facing Disruption

(Each section of the Guide can be printed for personal use and one-time reprint in newsletters of non-profit support groups and non-profit agencies.)

© Nancy S Ashe

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