A Book Club With A Difference
Many members of the adoption community do not read adoption-related books, and some don't know what books are available and how to find them. Others read and would like to discuss new ideas, but don't know where. Now, there's an online book club that gives us an opportunity to read
and talk about it.
A book club with a difference - for adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents - is the foundation for a support group with a difference, and it began with Judy McCoy, a woman who had a problem.
Judy is a reunited adoptee and reunited birthmother. As a member of separate adoptee and birth parent online support groups, she was hearing about one side or the other, but not both. When she joined lists open to the entire adoption community, she was more confused than helped by random discussions about random topics. Issues she believed were important were lost in an undirected format. So she took a lesson from Oprah Winfrey.
"After some time and after reading numerous adoption related books, the thought came to me to use a book.. which would cover the adoptee, birth parent and adoptive parent roles...and then open it for a discussion, much like
Oprah's Book Club™ which I always watched and really enjoyed," she explains.
So Judy started
Adoptabook, an online mail list community of adoptees, birthparents, and adoptive parents. Together they explore their own adoption experiences as expressed - or not expressed - in excerpts from adoption-related books. Judy says, "We discuss the excerpt, how we feel about it, how it may pertain to our own life experiences and overall allowing us to have a better understanding of ourselves."
For The Entire TriadJudy's only requirement for those interested in joining the group is that they be a triad member; that is, adoptee, birth parent, and/or adoptive parent. Once approved, members can select how they want to participate: receive individual messages as they are sent, or a digest of all messages posted during each day. Members can also read past excerpts and posts in the list archives.
Judy sends list members the name of the book to be reviewed and ordering information including ISBN number and price. Members then have time to either buy the book or get it from a local library. Then she sends out the first excerpt from the book and the discussion starts. Members respond or reply to the topic, or anything else of a similar nature and when the discussion winds down, she posts another.
A Wide Selection of BooksThe first book being discussed is Sarah Saffian's
Ithaka: A Daughter's Memoir of Being Found, the story of Saffian's reconnection with her birthfamily.
"
Ithaka was one of my favorite books," Judy says, "as I felt it touched on all the triad members issues...and often I used examples from the book in trying to describe my own feelings. I had so many comments from people saying they understood the issues so much better when I used a comparison from a book."
Future books for review will be selected by the group members. Judy says she doesn't want to make all the selections, because "I am an adoptee and a birthmother, and there are quite a few adoptive mothers in the group. They may have read books which I would never have chosen, but could be a benefit to us all."
Including everyone in the selection process is important, Judy says, to give all members the opportunity to present their favorite books, and build on the group's strong feeling of inclusiveness. However, she does have some favorites of her own, including
Birthbond,
The Primal Wound,
Birthright, and
Lost and Found.
Conquering The FearWhen asked what she sees for the future of the club, Judy said she hopes it will bring all members of the triad closer together as they listen to others' perspectives and feelings.
"I believe there are so many different feelings on all sides. For example, many adoptive parents fear the birthmother's re-entrance into the adoptee's life, and the birthmothers fear the adoptive mother's reaction, and the adoptee invariably seems to get caught in the middle. There are so many misconceptions and misunderstandings regarding adoption, search, and reunion. I have found that the one common feeling all triad members seem to have is fear. If we can understand why we are fearful thenwe can begin to conquer that fear and become happier and healthier individuals which, in turn leads to better relationships with others."
Interested?For more information about the book club or if you would like to join, please contact Judy McCoy at
mcleo@prodigy.net.
- Books, Magazines, Newsletters for all connected to adoption. Books offered directly from their authors and publishers are listed here, as well as online adoption bookstores
- Email Lists for separate and combined triad groups, their families, and friends.
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