Adoption and the Schools
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Sample article from book
ADOPTION AND THE SCHOOLS
(click link above to order this CLASSIC book) Including Adoption in Everyday Teaching Situations
by Nancy Ng A teacher may or may not know if there are adopted children in his class. It is wise to assume that there are, and to realize that all children benefit from adoption awareness. A parent may or may not know that the teacher is knowledgeable about adoption. It is wise to assume that she is not, but to be prepared to be pleasantly surprised. Becoming comfortable with respectful adoption language, and making it part of everyday teaching situations, takes practice for both parent and teacher. The joyful side of adoption is tempered with the fact that every adoption involves loss. Sometimes children have experienced tremendous pain before joining their adoptive families. It is often difficult to find the words to speak of these things to very young children, just as it is hard to speak of death, alcoholism, child abuse, or AIDS. Educators and parents must find the words, however, since the way we do or do not handle these sensitive topics models confidence and courage on the one hand, or shame and fear on the other. Every child's adoption story is unique, personal, and belongs to him. Yet as the significant adults in a child's life, parents and teachers must sometimes enter into the child's world to help him cope with difficult memories and feelings while maintaining a positive self image. Teachers nurture their students' growth and can play an invaluable role in helping them learn to be open, proud, and confident people. Bringing adoption into the light and treating it as just one of many possible life experiences is a gift teachers can offer to our adopted children and their classmates. Following are some suggestions for including adoption in the classroom in the ordinary course of the school day and year. Teachers will no doubt be able to add to this list, based on their experience. Parents may find the suggestions helpful in working with individual teachers or in staff training sessions. They are roughly divided by grade level, although there is certainly overlap.
Preschool
Simply mention the words adoption or adopted occasionally as you talk about babies and families or tell stories. Enter into or initiate role plays about getting ready for the arrival of an adopted child, going to the airport to meet a new child, or going to court to have the adoption finalized, whichever seems to fit the experience and interest of children in your class. Make sure that the pictures and books in the classroom reflect the world's diversity. Choose stories to read which mention adoption.
Early Elementary Grades
Teachers can read stories which mention adoption, not just as the main theme, as in The Mulberry Bird by Anne Brodzinsky, but simply in passing, as in the book Families by Meredith Tax. As you discuss kinds of families, always include adoptive families. If a student in the class has a baby born into his family, a teacher can mention that some children join their families through adoption. Sometimes this will prompt a child to say, "I'm adopted," and then the teacher could extend the discussion and be ready to answer questions. This would be a time to watch for teasing and to be ready to help a child handle it as you would help with any teasing. A child adopted by a teacher or the family of a student provides another excellent opportunity to educate everyone about the process and to allow them to see the happiness involved in the child's arrival. Teachers can be aware of adoption coming up in connection with animals or fund raisers. (See Pat Johnston's article in Section 1 of this volume, "Adopt-a-Confusion.") A teacher could ask that a different theme be used. Instead of Adopt-a-Book, suggest Befriend a Book. Instead of speaking of animals at the shelter being adopted, talk about them finding an owner. Consider a National Adoption Awareness Month activity. This could be as simple as discussing adoption and reading a story, or inviting an adult adopted person, a birth parent, or an adoptive parent to visit the class. Sometimes children at this age feel comfortable sharing their adoption story with the help of a parent in class. Be aware that discussions of adoption can provoke different responses. One mother reported that at the end of her talk about adoption, she asked how many of the children in the class were adopted and almost every hand went up! Another parent, however, felt that after she and her daughter spoke about adoption in her second grade class, the daughter became the object of cruel teasing for the rest of the year.
Later Elementary Grades
During these years, children want to fit in and be like everyone else. Adopted children are even more aware that they are in the minority, that most kids are brought up by the parents who gave birth to them. They are unlikely to want to give adoption presentations or to be singled out. Still, the famous family tree assignment offers an opportunity for valuable growth. It should not be avoided by the teacher just because she is aware of adopted children in her class. Presented with several alternatives for the whole class, with a casual reference to how some adopted children have chosen to do it in the past, this project could provide a valuable chance for the adopted child and, most likely, her family, to move toward greater positive understanding of adoption in their lives. (See the article on family tree assignments in this volume.) Another way to bring up adoption in a positive light is to mention famous people who were adopted if you are discussing them in class: Steve Jobs, Faith Hill, Moses, Louisa May Alcott, Scott Hamilton, ever Superman! (See the article "I'm Famous, I'm Adopted!" in Section 5 of this volume.)
Middle School and High School
Middle and high school teachers might suggest adoption as one of the themes for essay or journal writing, giving permission for students to use this as a way to explore their feelings. Family tree or history assignments can be introduced sensitively, mentioning alternatives for everyone, and noting that many students may not have access to their birth relatives, due to divorce, death, adoption or a parent who may be away at work or in the service. Science teachers can easily mention adoption in connection with genetic studies, noting the traits, skills, or characteristics which are inherited and those which are learned or acquired. It is reassuring to adopted young people to hear adoption discussed in a matter-of-fact way, and it may help them ask important questions. Family life and sex education teachers have a perfect opportunity to discuss families formed by adoption and adoption as a choice for people facing unplanned pregnancy. It is especially important for the teacher to use positive adoption language and to encourage the students to do so also. Adopted students in class may be hurt by other students saying, "I don't see how anyone could give up her own child." The teacher can help by presenting a balanced view of adoption as a loving, responsible choice.
Nancy Sheehan Ng, MA, is a parent by birth and by adoption. She is editor of News from FAIR, the magazine published by the parent group Families Adopting in Response. She holds a master's degree in marriage and family counseling and is a Master Trainer for the Adoption Clinical Training program.
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