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To think that when we adopt, we have choices...
International adoption or domestic.
Agency or private adoption.
Boy or girl.
Newborn or older child.
Parents of biological children have none of these choices.
When considering adoption, many people assume "the younger the better" and overlook the advantages of older child adoption (in the adoption world, an "older child" is generally considered to be age two or over at the time of adoption). However, there are advantages of adopting an older child that should be contemplated as you consider your adoption options.
In older child adoption:
*** You can learn more about an older child as to their abilities, interests, and personalities than you can with a baby.
*** You have more history (childhood illnesses, developmental milestones, skills, talents) that can be evaluated by specialists and doctors before you accept a referral.
*** You can match (to a degree) your interests and personality with your child-to-be.
*** Certain disorders, such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and Fetal Alcohol Effect (FAE) cannot be diagnosed in babies, only in older children.
*** Older children can be less demanding than a baby. Depending on their age, an older child can do things by themselves regarding dressing, bathing, eating, chores, and playing on their own.
*** Older children can interact and play with you. You can DO things right from the beginning with your child: take hikes, plant bulbs, bake cookies, roller blade.
*** With an older child, you are given an extraordinary window into their past lives. They may have special memories of grandparents, or favorite foods and games from their country of birth. You can help them retain and synthesize their memories of their past lives. Their past provides an extra peek inside the emotions and personality of your child.
There are, of course, disadvantages to older child adoption, just as there are disadvantages and advantages to adopting babies. No matter what age you adopt, it's a bit like most of life---lots of wonderful moments mixed in with enough challenges to make sure we appreciate the good times!
[Susan Ward, founder of Heritage Communications, maintains Older Child Adoption Online Magazine. This regularly updated website includes articles, personal insights, links, books and more. There are special sections on single parenting, reactive attachment disorder, and "Adopted Just Like Me for Kids." Susan is also mama to Hannah, age 9, adopted at age 6 from Russia.]
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