Angry Poetry
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5/9/01
For my Father
When I was a little girl, you were like a God.
I lived for your praise, and thrived in your smile
And you were the center of my world ~
When I was just a little girl.
When I was in the heat of youth, you were all-authority.
The center of rebellion, the angel of death
And the person I fought against, nail and tooth,
When I was in the heat of youth.
When I blossomed in Womanhood, I adored you with such respect!
Amends were made, we became friends
And did all I could to make things good
Between us, in my womanhood.
When age brought you infirmity, I sat beside you, night and day.
I did my best, but still failed your test
While struggling with grief and calamity
As you fought with infirmity.
But I had never been alone, completely, no one there but me
All family duties, all my responsibility
I made mistakes, but could not atone
Although I had been left alone.
When I had my first taste of pain, I labored without family
No Fathers words, no Mothers faith
No comfort to give me strength again
As I tasted my first real pain.
I am no longer needed there, in your hearts or at your door
Without some purpose to perform
You see no reason you should care
Now that I serve no purpose there.
Because you turned your back on me, in my most desperate time of need
(Did you forget that I was all you had in yours?)
I will give up my dreams of who we could be, and forget that you used to be family.
(And forget the promises you made to me, when I was a little girl.)
I will stop trying to prove myself worthy, of your love, or even common courtesy
(And forgive the mistakes you made raising me, when I was in the heat of my youth.)
Although it goes against everything inside of me, I will honor your wish to be free of me,
(And should you some day yearn for my company, you can comfort yourself with just memories)
I wrote this for my father, and in reaction to his rejection of me at the hospital, and his refusal to acknowledge Emily.
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