Thoughts I Dwell on From Day to Day
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Thoughts I Dwell on From Day to DayMessage to the "Outsiders" Adoption is a very difficult decision to make. Many that judge us, the Birthparents,
do not understand the stress, fear and anxieties we go through. Not only do we carry
this child with us for 9 months and go through the pain of labor but we actually
bond with our babies. There IS a connection. Ok so those that judge us can say "You made your bed so lay in it".
They are right. We did get ourselves in these situations.
But not ALL are were willing situations. My situations before my relinquishments were
done with force not with my "willingness". Both times the
birth control methods(the pill) failed. NONE are 100% except not having sex.
But face it... sadly even that is almost diminished these days. Then there are those that would say "She did it because of the situations".
No I didn't. I did it for my babies.
My situations of how I got pregnant or why I got pregnant have absolutely
nothing to do with the outcome. I made my decision based on the NEEDS of
the child. Needs that I was unable to meet. I took responsibility for my actions! What? Responsibility? How is placing a baby up for Adoption responsible?
21 years old... no place to really call "home"...no stability... no job...
vs
Mid 30's couple...secure...good jobs...Church Oriented
Hmmm now which sounds better to you? "She took the easy way out"
Ummm far from the truth! Live it and then say that! "She could have just had an abortion"
Not me... I am NOT against it but it didn't feel right to me.
Yes you read that right. I had that option close at hand!
Just because I chose Adoption does NOT mean I am "Pro Life"
I am Pro Choice... Pro Adoption!
I could have kept my babies.. the "responsible" thing to do. But I would have
cheated my children out of a life they deserve. Yes it is true it isn't all about
money... you can raise a child with very little money. There are agencies to help
with that. BUT how can one raise a child when she doesn't have emotional support
not to mention little self esteem! How can one raise a child when she can barely
take care of herself? How can one raise a child when she is basically still a
child herself? How can you honestly sit there and say my child would
have been emotionally "ok" further down the road when I lacked so much? 21 years old is considered still being a "child"??? Yes it is when the person
has no job, doesn't manage her life well and has no self esteem. Ok what about when I was 27? Now you're saying "You aren't a child!"
I had been married, had a child with my husband and then divorced!
You're right I am not a "child" anymore. BUT this time I WAS
on Welfare raising my son ALONE. He was 4 years old at the time.
The business I worked for closed when I was
5 months pregnant with my birthdaughter. I had rent to pay and bills to pay.
I had to feed the child I had already! Not to mention I was eating twice the
amount of food I normally did! I considered EVERYTHING when I came to
my decision. But again even though I wasn't a "child" anymore I still lacked
the emotional support and all that other stuff I mentioned up above! It was hard enough raising a 4 year old child alone. Not to mention this child
had serious behavior/emotional problems. His father is an alcoholic, couldn't
keep a job and I was receiving NO child support! I was on the brink of losing
everything after the business closed that I was working for. No one would hire
a 5 month (very very big 5 month) pregnant woman. No one! "Now she is just making excuses."
No - I was facing R E A L I T Y! But you know what? To those that judge us, the Birthparents...
We don't have to answer to you. We don't have to explain ourselves.
We don't have to do anything when it comes to your so called "opinions".
We're dealing with enough on our own to have to worry about you. We
ARE struggling, hurting, aching and yearning. We ARE alone, afraid
and "child like". Because we HAVE made a responsible decision. A very
hard and heartbreaking decision that WE live with EVERYDAY.
We did it all
FOR THE LOVE OF A CHILD! What more do you want from us?
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