Birthmother - What's in a Name: Part 1

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[Note: This is a two part article. Please read part two for my thoughts on Mary and Marlena and the name 'Birth Mother'.]

These are the stories of two women, Mary and Marlena. Both of their children are living with adoptive families. Both of these women share the same name, Birth Mother. However, the similarities end there.

* * *

Mary is due any day with her first child. She is very excited, as any new mother would be, but Mary is also grieved. She has made the decision to place her child for adoption.

When Mary was five months pregnant she made the choice of adoption. She looked at all her options, like any good mother does. She felt that what was best for her child was to place her with another family that she would choose.

Soon Mary was running back and forth to her adoption agency in the next state trying to pick out a new family for her child. It was a heartbreaking experience looking at the faces of the childless women before her. Who would be her child's new Mother?

Mary held a 'Dear Birthmother' letter in her hands. She sat searching through each word for some sign from God that this was who is to raise her baby. She looked over letters that boast of high incomes and fancy homes.

Mary was looking for character, not material possessions. A photo caught her eye. It was of an older couple eating peanut butter sandwiches at their kitchen table. Mary smiled for the first time in days. She read their profile and knew in her heart that this was the couple. Her heart was the one making the decisions lately.

* * *

Marlena was due any day with her first child. She was not anticipating what was to come.Actually, she was feeling quite the opposite. She had hid her pregnancy from family in friends for months now. Marlena was convinced she could continue to do so for a few more weeks.

She continued her daily habit of getting high and drinking alcohol. Her Mother had taught her that. Marlena didn't see any point in changing her life for this 'parasite'. After all, if she acted as if she wasn't pregnant, maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't be.

* * *

Mary is in her bedroom alone. She is sitting on her pink bedspread writing a letter to her soon-to-be born daughter. She has chosen a name for her daughter after hours of searching through baby name books. That name is Isabel, which means 'Oath of God'.

My Dearest Isabel,

My love for you has never wavered. My heart
bleeds your name. I have chosen adoption because
I love you. You deserve the best, my precious
child.

I have picked out a new Mommy and Daddy for you.
They are wonderful! We have all decided an open
adoption is best for all of us, especially you!

I have been faithful in eating extra veggies and taking my vitamins! I want you to grow big and strong. My midwife says you have a strong heartbeat. I am so excited to meet you!

I will always be there for you, even if I seem far away. I pray that you forgive me. Know always that I love you, Isabel. You are my only reason.

Love,
Your Birthmother

* * *

Marlena writes no letter of love for her child. Marlena hasn't named her child. Marlena just goes on about life as if nothing has changed. Soon, it will be forever changed.

* * *

Both women go into labor on October 17 th, 2000.

* * *

Mary is surrounded by friends and family, including the adoptive parents she has chosen, in the labor room.

The adoptive mother, Anna, and Mary pass the time by walking the halls of the Maternity Unit. They talk about their families and the future of their daughter. They look at the tiny bundles nestled in the nursery. Mary feels good about her choice.

* * *

Marlena is in her basement alone. Her mother is passed out drunk upstairs and her father is once again out of town on a 'business trip'. She tries not to panic. Marlena just can't tell her parents now! It is too late. She knows what she must do.

The contractions are coming very quick and hard. She shoves a towel in her mouth to stifle her screams as she pushes with all of her strength.

Marlena gives birth to a tiny baby boy on the cold cement floor of her basement.

* * *

After 24 hours of labor, finally, Isabel is here! Mary is the first to hold her tiny daughter. Tears fill her eyes as she gazes upon her pink newborn daughter.

Mary looks over at Anna's face. It is just as radiant as Mary's. "Come and meet your new daughter" Mary says to her.

Ever so gently Mary places the child into her new Mother's arms. "She is yours" Mary says while fighting back tears. "No," Anna says, "She is ours."

Flowers in hand, Anna's husband, Tom, walks in, smiling ear to ear. He walks right to Mary and kisses her glistening forehead. "Want to hold her Tom?" Anna asked. "You bet!" Tom replies as his wife hands him baby Isabel. "God has heard our cry and granted our petition, for this we are thankful." Tom proclaims.

Together they all celebrate their daughter's new life.

* * *

Marlena cuts the child's cord with a razor from an old leg shaver she found in the bathroom. She is thankful he is so quiet. Quickly, she wraps her son in a white towel.

Marlena cleans up the blood and throws her soiled clothes into the washing machine. She dresses into fresh clothes and picks up the towel with the child inside. She creeps slowly upstairs and out the back door.

The night air is unseasonably warm. She runs over to the dark grocery store across the street. Marlena prays no one sees her.

With caution she walks up to the dumpster, the child still in the bloody towel. Marlena is numb as she places the wheezing boy into the trash. She places an old newspaper on top of her still son. Without any emotion, she turns to leave.

As she is walking away, she thinks about her Aunt and Uncle who just adopted a new baby. How happy they are with their daughter Sarah.

Marlena thinks to herself as she goes home, "I could never give my baby away." Once inside she locks the back door and goes up to her room to study for her Home Economics test.

* * *
Bob is relaxing by the television. Suddenly, he is disturbed when he swears he hears a baby crying outside his window.

Finally, he investigates. Bob is surprised to find a baby wrapped in a bloodied towel in the trash. "May God have mercy" he mutters, "Joyce, call 911!"

* * *

Two months later Mary is visiting her daughter and her new adoptive family. She is welcomed in their home and hearts by family and friends of the adoptive couple. Mary giggles as Isabel's new dad shows Mary how he can change a diaper with only one hand.

When she gets home she looks at some pictures and grieves over the child she placed lovingly for adoption. Her tears are bittersweet.

Mary is mourning her loss, but she is rejoicing in her child's gain.

* * *

Two months later, Marlena is standing trial for the abandonment of her child. She gets probation for five years and is forced to go to counseling. Marlena's mother tells her she is disgusting.

Marlena just wants it to go back to the way it was before she was 'pregnant'. That is all Marlena has ever wanted.

* * *

Joey is a snuggly two month old baby boy. Joey was also left for dead by his birth mother. Joey has been adopted by the Harvey family. Tim and Jane Harvey have been waiting for ten years for a child to call their own.

The Harveys gladly opened up their home to Joey, who has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. They thank God each day for such a precious gift, their son.

Another person's 'trash' is another's treasure.

* * *

Please read PART TWO for my thoughts on the name 'Birth Mother'.

[This is a disclaimer of sorts. The women, Mary and Marlena, that I featured in this story are completely fictional, yet, so many have walked along paths similar to these two women.

I am certainly not judging the women who find themselves in a crisis pregnancy and make the wrong choice and abandon their children in various places. It is not my place to judge.

I also commend the women who realize they are hurting their children and release them to be adopted. This takes guts. I also commend the people who adopt these children and allow an open adoption. That takes guts as well.]