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It became a routine at the Gordon house. Every Sunday evening around 7 p.m., Kelly, age 10, began complaining about something. Her aches and pains ranged from stomachaches to sore throats. Whatever the problem, it was too big to think about going to school the next day. Kelly's difficulties, her parents recognized, were not health problems.
Children can develop a dislike of school for a number of reasons. A class bully may be taunting your child, or he may feel left out of activities and games. Your preteen may feel that the teacher just doesn't like him or that no one really understands him. It may be that your youngster is singled out as different due to his adoptive status. Or it may be a problem with schoolwork.
Perhaps the work in class is just too easy and your child is bored. Or maybe the work is too hard, so she struggles with feelings of inadequacy and failure. She may feel that with each passing day, she is getting farther and farther behind and will never catch up. The way to avoid those feelings is to avoid the cause-school!
Recognizing Signs of School Stress
Whether the stress is social or academic, it usually shows up in a physical way. Stress can create headaches or upset stomachs.
Another sign of stress is lack of sleep. Children may lie awake at night trying to figure out how to make it through the next school day. They wake up tired, irritable, distracted, and indecisive about little things-like what to wear or take for lunch.
How You Can Help
Become a listening post. Sit down with your child and ask him to make two lists. One should name everything he doesn't like. The second list should be everything he enjoys. Even if it is just gym class and recess, that's a beginning.
Help empower your child to make changes. Walk through the dislike list with her, asking, "Now, what can you change on this?" Help her brainstorm solutions, but don't try to solve every problem at once. Have her work on changing one or two at a time.
Become your preteen's advocate. Meet with your child's teacher to gain her perspective, which can help you get the whole picture. If reading or math are problematic for your child, suggest that the school conduct an evaluation for possible learning disabilities.
A child who struggles with school-related stress could develop a lifelong pattern of avoidance in difficult situations. Listen to your youngster, help him to realize that he has the power to make changes, and when needed, be his advocate.
Jayne Schooler is the mother of two by birth and adoption in Columbus, Ohio. She is the author of three books, including Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past.
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A bittersweet ending to one couple's saga of infertility
By Bob Shacochis In the Company of Heroes
Have I gone overboard in pointing out adopted idols to my six-year-old son
By Janis Cooke Newman Too Many Questions
A mom thought she had been asked every question imaginable, until one summer afternoon.
By Eliza Thomas Birthfathers: The Forgotten Half of the Story
Biological Fathers are often left out or forgotten, but they shouldn't be.
By Eliza Newlin Carney More Than Skin Deep
Can a mother feel any more attached to her baby daughter?
Not this one.
By Judy Rader IN THIS ISSUE 4Publisher's Letter
5Letters to the Editor
11Happy Mother's Day
A tribute to all moms.
12Adoption News & Notes
13In My Opinion
International Adoption: Why Not?
By Barb Reinhold
15Adopted Child
Proceed with Caution
By Lois Melina
17The Waiting Game
Coping with a Failed Adoption
By Elliot Anderson
19Living With Diversity
Journey Into Our Son's Culture
By Katherine Bassein 20About Birthparents
Dear Andy
By Warren Florence
25Calendar of Events
26Been There plus Culture Camps
50Waiting Children
51Parenting the Child Who Waited
A teenager's take on the foster care system
52Legal Q & A
Birthfather's Rights.
53Book Reviews
78Another Mother
By Gillian Dowley McNamee On The Cover: Alyssa Domre with her dad, Chris, Raleigh, North Carolina. Top: Ryan Samuel Thompson (USA), 8 mos., Elgin, Illinois. Below: Lauren (USA), 3, Ohio
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